Badass Biker Chickpea Burgers

I've never been a huge fan of hamburgers, but they're one of those foods that I crave every once in a very long while. I found this recipe last weekend and got one of those rare burger cravings because, c'mon, chickpeas, sriracha sauce, and it's a burger? That's just got to taste good.

And oh, oh it did.

The first time I made it, I legit fucked up and put everything together into the food processor, which yielded a really tasty sriracha sauce-flavored hummus. NOT what you want when you're trying to make burgers. To get them to work, I had to bread the stupid things before I could fry them.

The next time, I did NOT fuck up, which meant we could have the burgers un-breaded, which also meant that the ingredients' flavors and textures were free to come through. And come through they did! This is the juiciest, most flavorful recipe I've ever encountered for a burger. We've made this recipe three times now - that's 18 burgers. Two were wasted on company who have no appreciation for homecooked food (pro-tip: don't ever, ever provide feedback on someone's homemade food in the form of, "I'm just wondering what's next." Especially if you're the oaf who's sat down and eaten your entire burger before anyone else has had a chance to sit down. That's like the textbook definition of rude), but the rest are OURS. And they are delicious.

Also, this recipe is posted as a "hi" to Lilly, whose most recent email I've not yet answered because last week was doing its best to give me grey hair (it worked, I actually have legit grey hair, what). Hi Lilly! Try this recipe! It's really good!

Badass Biker Chickpea Burgers

Ingredients

1 cup oats
1 can chickpeas, drained
1/2 zucchini, coarse-grated
1 small onion, fine-diced

1 tbsp sriracha sauce
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp peanut butter
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp diced garlic
1 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper

Instructions

- In a food processor, grind up the oats into meal. Dump that into a medium mixing bowl.
- Put the chickpeas into the food processor. Grind them into a coarse meal (not a paste). Add that to the mixing bowl.
- Grate the zucchini. Add that to the mixing bowl.
- Dice the onion. Into the mixing bowl it goes.
- Mix that all together with a wooden spoon.

- Add the sriracha, olive oil, peanut butter, vinegar, garlic cumin, salt, and pepper to the mixing bowl. Mix it up with the spoon.
- Let that sit and get all stuck together. I'd give it about ten minutes, minimum.

- Heat about 1/4" oil in a pan. You want it hot.
- Form patties out of 1/2 cup of the mix. Pat them down so that they're either even, or thinner in the middle than on the edges.
- Fry each side for two minutes. You want them to be very dark, almost black. Trust me on this.

We serve them onto a bun with a slice of cheese so that the hot burger melts the cheese. I top mine with mustard, ketchup, and fresh kale. Enjoy!