THE Ultimate Chocolate Pie

I found this recipe on a young lady's blog and decided to give it a go. It's a chocolate pie made with tofu, which is terribly exciting all by its onesie, but the fact that it  is THE chocolate pie is significant. You see, I've made lots of chocolate desserts over the years I've been cooking. Cakes, pies, puddings, shakes, drinks, ganaches, chocolate-covered you-name-its ... all kinds.

This blows all of them out of the water. Way, way out of the water.

We cut 1/8th slices and they were too rich for us - we'll cut smaller slices next time. Those are really small servings, and yet they'll be satisfying.

(Also, it's made with tofu, which means there's a nod to healthiness in it, but don't be confused - this is a sinful, decadent adventure into hedonism that will make Zachary Comstock frown enthusiastically in your general direction see if it doesn't.)

THE Ultimate Chocolate Pie

Ingredients

16 oreos (you will need 6 more later)

3 tbsp coconut oil, melted

20 oz silken tofu

1 1/2 tsp cocoa powder

1 1/2 tsp vanilla (leave this out if you're using a flavored liqueur)*

1 tbsp soy/almond/coconut/cow milk  (use 2 tbsp of flavored liqueur instead if you're using that sort of thing)*

Pinch salt

1 tbsp sugar

12 oz dark chocolate, melted-ish

Instructions

- Pulverize 16 oreos in a food processor.

- Dump them into a 9" pie plate.

- Add the melted coconut milk and mix until it's all nice and combined.

- Press into the bottom of the pie plate, kind of going up the sides. This is not science, don't work too hard.

- Don't you dare clean the food processor. Leave the oreo dust in there, we are civilized around here.

- Dump the tofu, cocoa powder, vanilla/liqueur, milk, salt, and sugar into the food processor.

- In a cereal bowl, kind of melt your chocolate. I did mine in two rounds. It is better to have the chocolate not entirely melted than to have it burn. (I have had very bad luck with chocolate-melting, what.)

- Dump the melty chocolate into the food processor.

- Do NOT wash out the bowl. You will use it in a few minutes.

- Blend that until it's all smooth. This WILL make a mess inside your food processor; might want to have a spatula handy to scrape it down midway through.

- Dump the contents of the food processor into the prepared pie-dish. Make it all even and smooth and stuff. Remember: centrifugal/centripetal force is/are your friend(s). However that sentence's grammar works.

- Remember those 6 additional oreos you saved back? Put them into the cereal bowl with the remnants  of melted chocolate in it and lazily crush them by hand. You want chunks, not crumbs.

- Sprinkle that, with the chocolate it's picked up, on top of the pie. Yeah, we went there.

- Refrigerate at least 1 hour. I think ours lasted 30 minutes in the fridge. And it was great, so please disregard that 1-hour noise.

- Eat with a glass of milk on the side. You'll need it.

*Flavors we like include: Creme de Menthe, Coconut vodka, Buttershots, Razzmatazz (raspberry), Irish cream, Coffee liqueur, Orange liqueur, or Zest of one orange (leave out the booze). Coconut and Razzmatazz are my favorites.

Yay!