your goose is probably only half-baked at this point

... and it's vegan, no less! (Shamelessly ganked from  this recipe for chocolate silk pie , which was shamelessly adapted from  this young lady's recipe , but I've never had much shame about anything, so it's fine.  Sets me up great to shamelessly make this frosting, smear it all over some  vegan wedding cake , and eat it with my bare hands.) ... and I'm not even vegan, wtf. Come to the Dark Side We Have Dark Chocolate Frosting Ingredients 16-20 oz silk tofu 2 tsp cocoa powder 2 Tbsp coffee liqueur OR vanilla extract Pinch salt 1 Tbsp sugar 12 oz vegan dark chocolate* (if you can get your mitts on some  Taza chocolate , you'll have a REAL treat) Instructions In a food processor, combine tofu, cocoa powder, liqueur/vanilla, salt, and sugar. Process until smooth. In a double-boiler (or SUPER carefully in the microwave?  I've heard this works for people, but it has never worked reliably for me) melt your dark chocolate. Pour the melted c...

I was looking for a Farmers' Market that sells local eggs and accidentally discovered that a) Somerville, MA, which is next door to where I live, is the birthplace of Marshmallow Fluff , b) this year (2017) marks the 100th birthday of Marshmallow Fluff, and c) to celebrate, the Union Square Farmers' Market is hosting an entire event dedicated to the celebration of Marshmallow Fluff. Part of that event is a cooking contest.  I can't NOT enter something like that, come ON. This is my entry. Gimme S'more'a that Fluffernutter Pie Ingredients Marshmallow fluff, divided: 1/2 cup + 1/2 cup + 1/2 cup = 1 1/2 cups total 13 graham crackers 16 oz silk tofu 1/2 cup unsalted smooth peanut butter 2 tsp cocoa powder 1 Tbsp white sugar Pinch salt 2 oz milk (I used soy, but I don't think it matters) 12 oz dark chocolate chips The patience of a saint (required; see * below) Instructions - Break 3 1/4 graham crackers into their small rectangle pieces and...

Back when the Star Wars  prequels were coming out, my father -- who is not a Star Wars  fan, by the way -- got ALL excited because KFC had a drink-cup shaped like R2D2, and dragged the entire family out for dinner at KFC just so he could get the drink-cup. I didn't get the appeal at the time, and strongly disliked that cup, because one night, when I was wandering around in the dark, scared, with a flashlight, its shadow projected onto the rocking chair in the living room and gave the illusion of a man sitting in the rocking chair, only there wasn't a man and it terrified me and oh by the way I was a complete and utter chicken  when I was younger. Except I still am now, never mind. *cough* So I've now seen the orig-trig and have a deeper understanding of why my dad wanted that R2D2 cup. Artoo is just a little bucket of sass, he's legitimately the only  reason Luke survives half the stuff he survives, and (unlike me) he isn't afraid of anything . He's easily m...

The first time I had curry udon, I was teaching fencing to fourth-graders in Japan. This dish is a lot less weird than that sentence. Tofu Curry Udon't Ingredients 1 lb extra firm tofu 1 medium sweet potato 1 medium onion 2 tbsp olive oil 1 zucchini (large) 3 cups water 3 1/2 oz curry block Instructions - Preheat your oven/toaster oven to 400*F. - Slice up your tofu into three slabs, then cube those slabs. Relatively small cubes - 1/2", perhaps? - Bake it 25 minutes. - While the tofu is baking, peel your sweet potato and slice it into 1/2" slices. Cut those into 1/2 to 1" pieces. - Heat the oil in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. - Toss the sweet potatoes in, toss 'em around some with a spatula. - Dice up your onion and add it to the sweet potatoes. - Toss that around and let it cook, stirring only every few minutes, so that the veggies have a chance to soften and brown some. - While that's happening, spiralize your zucch...

(This recipe requires a veggie spiralizer , but you're cool so you probably already own one.) (Also, cake. See below.) I left work at 8:00 pm last night, a Friday night, because everything is stupid sometimes, and of course, because I had Cheese Hug Bake with Zucchini and Quinoa for my lunch, I ate at like 11:30 am (I have very little willpower around that stuff, just ... GIMME), so by 8 pm, I was HUNGRY. I was also biking my sorry ass home at that point, which - when you're hungry and tired and braindead from a long day of getting the office ready for your one-week vacation - is just pretty terrible. We'd taken a detour to the grocery to buy some zucchini because, in addition to being tired, hungry, and braindead, I was also SICK, and thought that a nice chili ramen with courgettes might make my throat hurt a little less, at least. So by the time we were rounding the corner for the almost-final stretch of the ride home, I was tired, hungry, braindead, sick, and annoy...

The original recipe I followed (sort of) for this dish called for making it a fried rice, but that didn't sound fun to me, so I served the tofu/pineapple mix on top of rice, and it was divine . Yet another recipe that proves vegan cooking can be profoundly tasty. Who knew? Pineapple Tofu Stir-Fry Ingredients 1 20-oz can pineapple chunks, with the juice reserved 14-16 oz extra firm tofu, drained and patted 1 cup uncooked rice, cooked 6 tbsp reserved pineapple juice 2 tbsp + 1 tsp rice vinegar 2 tbsp soy sauce 2 tbsp ketchup 1 tbsp brown sugar 2 tsp cornstarch 1 medium onion, sliced 1 tbsp minced garlic 1 large bell pepper, preferably orange, coarse-diced 1ish tbsp canola oil All those drained pineapple chunks from earlier 3 generous shakes' red pepper flakes Instructions - Preheat oven to 450*F. I use my toaster oven and it works just fine. - Drain and pat the tofu with a paper towel. Slice it long-ways, then cut it into 1/2"x1/2" pieces. ...

When I was little, my parents got me the Random House book of Short Stories (which must be out of print because I can't find it anywhere - you'll have to trust me that it's a thing). I loved that book so much, loved all the stories in it, even the one about the green knight who got his head cut off for being a knave. There was one (no knights or beheadings involved) in which a dad and his sons made a lemon pudding, if memory serves, for the boys' mother. It was a funny story - the boys got into trouble for eating too much of the pie, so the dad gave them a beating (beat the eggs) and a whipping (whip the cream) to teach them a lesson - and in the end, Mom gets the pie and says that it tastes like a thousand lemons in the rafters, like the full moon in the sky (something to that effect, anyway). This is not that pie. It is, however, what that pie wanted to be when it grew up. I found the original recipe somewhere between two and three o'clock in the morning, bec...

This recipe is a Frankenstein monster of several recipes, created one night when I was hungry, didn't feel like ordering out, and didn't feel like making do with foraging. On the one hand, I'm a little bit horrified that my kitchen contained everything I needed to make this creation (full disclosure: I used frozen Brussels sprouts instead of broccoli the first time, and would do again), but on the other hand, I'm rather proud that my kitchen contained enough healthy stuff for me to cook amazing things on a whim. Terribly conflicting. Anyway. Give it a go. It only makes two meals, so it's a bit of work for a one-off, but by the same token, I can make the whole mess in about 15 minutes, so it's not really THAT much work. Especially not when you consider the pay-off, which is just plain delish. Teriyaki Tofu Triangles with Broccoli and Cellophane Noodles Ingredients The Main Cast 1 large head broccoli, cut into florets 3 oz dry cellophane noodles 7-10...

I learned how to make a really stupidly outstanding orange-glaze tofu  yesterday, but didn't have anything good to serve it on (the quinoa mix I initially tried was an utter, devastating FAILURE). Tonight, I made the tofu again (and by the way, it's so good, I'd totally make it by itself and eat it straight from the pan) and made some veggies to go with because, hey, veggies! I expected it to be good. I mean, how could it not be? Tofu prepared  in a way I knew  I liked, served atop foods prepared in a way I know I like - that sounds like a recipe for success, doesn't it? I wasn't expecting it to be this  good, though. The flavors and textures all combine into something that really just ... I don't know. I usually try to be funny in my blog-posts, but this meal is so straight-up unbearably good - and good for  you, when does THAT ever happen - that I'm all out of jokes and really just want to share the recipe with the world. Here it is. Try it. You'll...

I've declared May 2014 to be "no-meat May," which means that I will neither cook nor consume any meat or meat product. This means, in addition to no crab-cakes or chicken breast, no chicken or beef bouillon. Since it's just a month - 31 days - I'm pretty sure I can handle it. The best part of no-meat May is that David doesn't know about it. I'm not telling him; you'd better not tell him, either. I'm collecting bets on how long it'll take him to notice and either a) directly request meat, or b) ask if we're going vegetarian. My bet is that he'll make it at least to 24 May before he asks. My colleagues and direct reports are far less optimistic - I've had bets for 24 hours in, 8 days, 18 days, and two weeks. Thanks, guys. Anywhosit, this is the first new recipe I've made as part of no-meat May (the first was black-bean sweet potato chili, sooo good). It's ridiculously easy, stupidly delicious, and on top of that, g...

Vegans and gluten-free folk get a pretty bad reputation. I merrily contribute to that horrid reputation, only partially because I am, in fact, a horrid person. Mostly, though, it's because vegan food can be so, so bad. Low in good flavors, high in bad flavors, does weird things to your digestive system, doesn't make you feel full, etc. I'm struggling to believe that this recipe is both vegan and gluten-free (for all that I made it and KNOW it is both of these things) because it is so, so not what I normally associate with the word "vegan." It's flavorful, has great textures, it left me feeling full (even after a 23-mile bike-ride), and it wasn't overly expensive or a pain in the ass to make. Qualify that: I made this meal in under an hour while half asleep and not trying to rush. Didn't eat it fresh, packaged it up, microwaved it to heat it up after said bike-ride. AND IT'S STILL AMAZING AND DELICIOUS. That's some skill, there. Mad props. O...

I found  this recipe  on a young lady's blog and decided to give it a go. It's a chocolate pie made with tofu, which is terribly exciting all by its onesie, but the fact that it  is THE chocolate pie is significant. You see, I've made lots of chocolate desserts over the years I've been cooking. Cakes, pies, puddings, shakes, drinks, ganaches, chocolate-covered you-name-its ... all kinds. This blows all of them out of the water. Way, way out of the water. We cut 1/8th slices and they were too rich for us - we'll cut smaller slices next time. Those are really small servings , and yet they'll be satisfying. (Also, it's made with tofu, which means there's a nod to healthiness in it, but don't be confused - this is a sinful, decadent adventure into hedonism that will make Zachary Comstock frown enthusiastically in your general direction see if it doesn't.) THE Ultimate Chocolate Pie Ingredients 16 oreos (you will need 6 more later) 3 ...

I'd heard rumors that tofu was an actual edible thing, but I hadn't entirely believed them because, holy shit, it's apparently really  easy to cook bad tofu. I say this because I've eaten really bad tofu. Many times. Tonight was not one of those times. This meal takes some forethought and prep-work to make, but I 100% swear it is 105% worth it. That's +5% value, son. EDIT: Three meals is dumb. I've changed some things to make this recipe stretch to four meals. Will update if leftovers are disastrous, 'cause around my henhouse, four meals means two servings for dinner, two servings for the sequel. Tofu-ckin' Fabulous Meal for Three  Four Ingredients 1 lb (16 oz) extra firm tofu, which you are going to press like it's a heretic 1 tbsp sugar 2 tbsp rice vinegar 2 tbsp soy sauce 1 tsp ginger 1 tsp chili/garlic sauce (I used Sriracha/Rooster Sauce) 2 3/4 cups water, boiling 1 1/4 cup quinoa, rinsed 1 small sweet potato, c...

Christmas 2012 did its level best to dispose of me and my partner. We both caught the flu, with symptoms manifesting 3 hours into the 14-hour drive back home to Ohio. We spent the entire visit sick, which meant we didn't get to visit some of the folks back home we wanted to visit and ended up sleeping way more than we should have. And then, on the 14-hour drive back home to Massachusetts, we got caught in a blizzard somewhere in Maryland and had to stay the night in a motel that, to this day, haunts my nightmares. One of the few good things that came out of Christmas 2012, that said, was the wok my father-in-law gave us. It's a big ol' thing, has a nice sturdy bamboo handle on it, and the stuff I cook in it is easily some of the best stuff I cook, hands-down. This recipe came about from my partner's request that I learn to cook with tofu. I don't know what I did wrong on the first go 'round, but the tofu kind of fell apart. I think I need firmer tofu refrige...