your goose is probably only half-baked at this point

(Title from Han Solo's answer to Leia's "I love you" in Empire Strikes Back because I just can't not have a Star Wars reference in things, have you met me.) Writing is a funny thing in many ways (and by "funny" I mean "often torturous," but nevermind), but the most ... useful, I suppose? side-effect I've had from writing is that, when I'm writing characters eating a meal, even if I'm not describing the meal they're eating, I start to crave that meal.  Doesn't matter what it is -- pizza and beer, granola bars, eggs and toast ... or in this case, broccoli cheese soup. (Seriously, never once do I specify that they're eating broccoli cheese soup.  Just "soup."  And yet.  And yet .) This fine recipe is adapted from  this recipe , which I have adjusted to be a) better-suited for the lazy and b) bigger, because leftovers are the best thing EVER.  It makes, so far as I can tell, around ten normal-size serving...

This is why no one should ever let me name things, really.  You can think of this as my response to, "Man, why do you like Star Wars ?  It's so cheesy." K. So? Ahh, I crack me up. k, so? (Queso) Ingredients 4 Tbsp butter 4 Tbsp flour (whole wheat works well here) 2 1/2 cup milk of your choosing (soy works fine) Spices: - 2 generous shakes of salt - 1/2 tsp fresh black pepper - 1/2 tsp garlic powder - 1 tsp chili powder - 1 tsp cumin - 2 generous shakes of red pepper flakes 12 oz Monterrey jack cheese, shredded 3 Tbsp pickled jalapenos, chopped up into small pieces so wimps don't whine at you Instructions Measure your spices into a cup or something first; they all go in at the same time anyway. Measure out the milk. Shred the cheese. In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Whisk in the flour until smooth. Gradually add the milk, whisking constantly, until it's all in and smooth and lovely. Add in the spices, still whisk...

I HAVEN'T MADE THIS RECIPE YET.  JUST UPLOADING IT HERE SO I'LL HAVE MY RECIPE AT HAND WHEN I'M READY TO TRY IT OUT.  WILL UPDATE ONCE IT'S BEEN TESTED. Smashburger should get quite a lot of credit for this recipe, because holy crap  is their New Englander black bean burger amazing, but they're also to blame for it because they're too far from my house for me to walk there and get the New Englander whenever the spirit moves me, so here we are. Adapted from  this delightful recipe  and saved here so it doesn't walk away from me. The name comes from how hard this recipe punches, and how awesome it is to have the sweet glow of the cranberries against the dark power of the burger.  Just don't choke on it.  That's bad for you. Vader's Fist Black Bean Burgers (with cranberries) Ingredients 1 15-oz can black beans Olive oil for sauteeing 1/4 cup bell pepper 1/2 onion, diced 2 cloves garlic 3/4 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp chili powder 1/4 tsp g...

A thousand years ago when I first decided to give a plant-based diet a try, I decided to be That Vegetarian and turn my nose up at things like tinned beans and frozen vegetables.  This was a mistake.  You can find that mistake  here , but you shouldn't, really.  Follow this recipe instead. (Inspired by  this recipe , changed to make it easier for me to be incredibly lazy.  True story.) OH.  And it's super good for you!  I don't usually think of lazy-molly food as being on the healthy end of the scale, but this one actually is!  Will wonders never cease.  Give it a go! I'm Dreaming of a White Bean Soup Ingredients 4-5 cloves garlic, minced 2-3 Tbsp olive oil 60 oz cannellini beans, drained 2 cups frozen spinach 2 cups milk (I use soy) 6 oz Monterrey jack cheese, shredded 4 oz Parmesan cheese 1 tsp black pepper Salt to taste 1 egg per bowl of soup you want to serve A bit more olive oil A bit of water Instructi...

Beer cheese soup is one of those dishes I first had when I was in graduate school, and it was ... fine.  I had it at a pub, and it was all right, nothing wrong with it, but it was just ... it was just fine , not earth-shattering or anything.  My partner loves it, though, so I went online and found a Wisconsin native's recipe for the stuff, and after several attempts and tweaks, now have a beer cheese soup that I will fight folks over.  It's just unnecessarily good. For my own record, this iteration of the recipe originally had 2 carrots and 1 zucchini in it instead of the full dose of carrots because I'm the genius who goes to the store to buy carrots and a bag of sugar and comes home with neither item in my shopping bags.  GO ME. Beerbelly Beer Cheese Soup Note :  You need TWO soup-pots for this nonsense, and it's best if one of them is nonstick. Ingredients 1 Tbsp olive oil 5 carrots, cut into 1/2" coins 1 lb Brussels sprouts, halved 3 stalks cel...

I have a VIVID childhood memory of stopping somewhere between my grandparents' home in West Virginia and my home in Ohio to eat lunch at a Burger King that had a wall painted dark blue with stars and moons on it and a white quarter-fed pony ride indoors, near that wall.  I don't know if it's real or if I dreamt it, but I suspect the former because I also  have a distinct memory of eating a burger there that was burnt and dry and just really not all that great, and you'd not think that would feature in a dream about a magical Burger King.  Or at least I wouldn't. Anyway, that's kind of where I feel my relationship to burgers started, and started going downhill.  I'm just not really a fan of the things, for all that I get a bee in my bonnet every few years and decide I want to make them.  I've posted turkey burgers , blue cheese turkey burgers , and chickpea burgers over the last decade, and where the latter two in that list are legitimately good, they...

Moonstruck  has been a fascinating cultural experience for me. I first saw it when I was in my early teens, maybe tweens, and I loved it (it's got Cher in it, how could I not  love it?). Six or so years later, I attended Thanksgiving with my long-suffering partner's extremely  Italian family, and I fell in love with Moonstruck  all over again because oh my god they weren't exaggerating anything in the movie Italian-Americans really are this amazing . Then four or five years after that, I visited New York City for the first time and got a taste of the city in which Moonstruck  is set (though 2010 NYC and 1986 NYC are vastly  different places), and finally had all the pieces I needed to truly enjoy Moonstruck  in its entirety. (I still love Cher, don't be confused, but Olympia Dukakis as Rose is absolutely 100% the best part  of that movie. "You've got a lovebite on your neck." I CAN'T.) Now fast-forward to October 2016. We'd gone to see a play,...

I have a wicked weakness for pizza, which is stupid because pizza is Not Good for Me and expensive. Its only redeeming quality these days is that it's a 7,000-step walk from my house to the pizza shop and back, and that's kind of negated by the fact that I get home and eat the entire pizza in one go , then fall asleep in a food coma. My relationship with pizza is complex and troubled, let me tell you. Today, we got home from our walk (same 7k-step walk, mind you, only we bought doughnuts instead of pizza, my body weeps) and I got all feisty watching my partner wash the pan he uses to make me quesadillas. What if, I thought, I (and by "I" I mean "he") made a quesadilla with mozzarella cheese and some Italian spices, then dipped it in pizza sauce? Would I get something vaguely pizza-ish? The answer is a resounding YES. It's not got the consistency of pizza, but it has the flavor, which is what I find I crave. And it's small, which means I can gor...

Jabba is not invited. Neither are the stormtroopers. They were mean to Beru and Owen, and that's not permitted. Taco Tuesday on Tatooine (Dagobah edition) Ingredients Taco Seasoning 1/2 tsp onion salt 1 tsp chili powder Dash cayenne pepper (to taste) 1/4 tsp dried oregano 1/2 tsp garlic powder 1/2 tsp dried cumin Taco Filling 1 1/2 cups frozen spinach 4 eggs 1 tbsp olive oil 1ish cup shredded cheese And some sort of taco filling delivery mechanism - tortillas, hard shells, whatever you like Instructions - Combine all ingredients for the taco seasoning. If you don't feel like doing that and want to use a packet of seasoning instead, that's fine - the premade stuff's just way too salty for my tastes. - In a small mixing bowl, microwave the spinach for 2-3 minutes. - Add the eggs. - Add the taco seasoning. - Whisk with a fork until it's all nice and combined. - In a small frying pan, heat the olive oil...

Fun facts about Chewbacca: 1) He's 200 years old when we first meet him in A New Hope ; 2) He'll live to be 400 years old, so he knew he was going to out-live Han Solo when he adopted the guy; 3) I'm pretty sure he'd adopt Leia and keep her as his cub if he had half a chance; 4) He's awesome and his actor, Peter Mayhew, is one of the most understated and loveable celebrities on the planet. This dish has literally nothing to do with him, otherwise, save that ... um. Yeah, nope, nothing to do with him. Doesn't matter. It's a great recipe, and you're a laser-brain if you don't give it a go. #nailedit Laugh It Up Fuzzball Sweet Potato Chili   Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 2 medium yellow onions, diced 2 tbsp chili powder 2 tsp cumin 1 tsp black pepper (I never measure, honestly) 4-10 shakes cayenne pepper (I don't measure this, either) 2 cups frozen diced green peppers (use fresh if you have that much free time on your hands) 4 1/2 ...

Being vegetarian at Thanksgiving is trickier than I'd thought it would be. My first Thanksgiving not eating meat, I was hungry after the big meal, which led to me pouting for a solid year. My second Thanksgiving not eating meat (this Thanksgiving), I ate so much I was actually concerned that I'd throw up after the meal because Aunt Linda recognized my plight and decided to be her usual awesome self about addressing it. One of the dishes she made for me was roasted portobello mushrooms. Now, I had never eaten a portobello mushroom before and was wary, but these things were AMAZING. They had an almost meaty flavor to them, which led me to think about turning mushrooms into a meat substitute, which led me to thinking about making a steak 'n cheese out of mushrooms, which led to quite a lot of steak 'n cheese happening in my house after we got home from visiting family. The filling is now how I like it, so it's the same if you're going to make a sub or an omelet...

My Burrito Turned Inside-Out … and then it exploded! Ingredients 1 cup chopped onion (this was 1 medium onion and half a leftover onion for me) 4 oz can jalapenos, drained and quartered, de-seeded if you are a wimp 4 cloves garlic, minced Some olive oil - maybe a tablespoon? 2 tsp chili powder 1 tsp cumin 2 cups frozen corn 1/2 cup frozen green peppers 2 15-oz cans black beans, drained, rinsed if you can be arsed (I can’t) 2 15-oz cans fire-roasted tomatoes NOT drained or rinsed or anything beyond unlidded 2 cups vegetable broth (I use water + 2 tsp Better than Bouillon vegetable) 1 1/2 cups quinoa, well rinsed Cheese for topping At least one egg for topping (I am a greedy man, so I like two eggs) Instructions - Chop, quarter, and mince the onion, jalapenos, and garlic, respectively. - In a big ol’ soup-pot, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat. - Add the onion, jalapenos, and garlic to the pan. Toss ‘em around some to coat them in oil. - PU...

I've re-discovered omelettes recently, and I'm not really sure why I'm liking them so well these days. Maybe because there's no meat in them now, unlike I did back when I first learnt to make omelettes, and meat tends to smell like a wet dog, to me? Dunno. Regardless, we're eating omelettes at least three times a week, these days, and I think I might be in love. This recipe came about thanks to my parents and their trip to Italy ... oh heavens, it's been two years now, where did time go? Anywho, they went to Italy, discovered margarita pizzas, my dad made some for me when I visited, and then I promptly didn't make them for myself because failure. Until now. First time I made this meal, I'd come home late from a long day at work, eaten an irresponsible number of leftover birthday baked goods, indulged in an irresponsible number of mimosas (which is two, I am such a lightweight), and then opted for pacing around the house to get 5k extra steps on my ...

If hugs were an edible thing, I'm pretty sure what they would taste like. Shamelessly ganked from this lovely website and edited up because that's kinda what I do to stuff. You HAVE to have a veggie spiralizer Also, I've doubled the recipe so that it now fits in a 13x9" pan, because when I make it in a 9x9" pan, we eat the whole thing in one sitting. With a 13x9", we get 8 servings. I think this probably means that we're little piggies. NO REGRETS. Zuccquinoac 'n Cheese Ingredients 1 cup uncooked quinoa 2 cups water 4 zucchini (or "courgettes," a word with which I am currently hysterically obsessed) 5 1/2 oz cheddar cheese 5 1/2 oz monterrey jack cheese 5 1/2 oz pepper jack cheese Butter for your pan 3/4 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs Instructions - In a small saucepan, heat water. You want it boiling, but it doesn't have to be at a boil when you put in the quinoa. - Rinse the quinoa, then put it into the wat...

This winter - 2015 - has been an absolute pile of bullshit. We've gotten nearly 10' of snow (that's 3 meters for those of you not in the U.S.), today it happens to be 36*F and raining, and tonight it'll be 5*F and stupid. Guess what that means: ice for tomorrow's walk to and from the bus. BULLSHIT I TELL YOU. Currently, my long-suffering partner is outside hammering ice off our now-leaking porch roof. It's his turn to do this nonsense - I spent my day yesterday roof-raking 3' of snow off the top roof, then shoveling it off the kitchen roof, and attacking ice-dams with roof-melt packed into the legs of ladies' stockings. These are all things I'd never've guessed were things one could do until this year. BULLSHIT I TELL YOU. To make my partner's life suck a little bit less, I made him some delicious  green lentil soup  for lunch, and for dinner, I'm making pizza. I'm even going to fry up some chicken sausage for his half of the pizz...

Confession: I've never met a baked mac 'n cheese I liked. They're never salty enough, I suspect, and the noodles are so bland and ... kind of everywhere. Such a disappointment. Second confession: I've never liked cauliflower. It has this weird too-much-flavor mixed with not-enough-flavor that just really confuses my mouth and makes me want to eat something else. That said, you'll surely understand my bemusement upon making a cauliflower au gratin and discovering that a) it's the best baked mac 'n cheese in the all of ever, and b) it makes me want to eat irresponsible quantities of cauliflower. I was going to fret about it, but then I had a second helping and decided that really, I didn't care. That's Not Baked Macaroni & Cheese (it's better) Ingredients 1 big head cauliflower (if you double it, you can use 1 big head cauliflower and 1 big head broccoli and it tastes just as awesome) 5 tbsp butter 3 tbsp flour 1 1/2 cups milk (I u...

You know how there are some nights where you're just like "f*ck everything, I don't want to cook," but the very thought  of ordering out makes you writhe with unbearable guilt? Yeah, that was today. In my defense , I had to drive today. Like, for over an hour and a half, total. And I had to talk to people. People who aren't students. And that stresses me out . Ordering pizza stresses me out, too, so I decided to not do that. Instead, I looked at this recipe  sideways for a couple of minutes, then came downstairs (I'd been upstairs looking at imgur and buzzfeed and trying not to order pizza while also avoiding having a bath because driving is scary and Castle Overlord is safe) and made a bastard version that tasted really, really good and had the side-benefit of being really good for us. That's just the best. And I get to bike tomorrow. That's even better. Greens 'n Beans 'n Eggs 'n Toast Ingredients 1 small yellow onion (or half a...

This recipe has been almost entirely copied from this amazing site , but I'm putting it here because a) things have a tendency to disappear off the internet, and b) I made a few modifications, and since the outcome was so unbearably tasty, I'd like to have a record of what I did so I can do it again. This recipe is not good for you . This is one of those recipes that's all "you bike 60+ miles a week and eat fresh veggies all the time, so you can probably survive this." It's really worth it. Which is good, because I'm going to need  to make this recipe, probably more than a few times a year. I'll say it makes 8 servings, but they're large servings. It'd make an excellent snack for guests (we're thinking it'll be nice to make when my mother-in-law visits, for example, because after the long train-ride, she always wants to just eat a little something and drink until she forgets how many hours she's spent on a train) but it also mad...

I love potato soup. When I was on study abroad and charged with creating a dish for our big Thanksgiving potluck, I made potato soup. When I started dating my partner, potato soup was one of the first things I cooked for him. Hell, it was one of the only things I knew how to make when I moved out on my own. It's a staple. BUT, it's also kind of ... not all that healthy. Or substantial. Which didn't matter until I started biking everywhere, but man, when you're a cyclist, you really can't eat stuff like potato soup that burns up fast and leaves you hungry when you have 10+ miles left to go. I found this recipe  while searching for meatless recipes. Tried it out today. Fell madly in love. My version is a little bit healthier but a little bit lengthier, a little bit cheaper but ... yeah, a little bit lengthier. And by "a little bit" I mean "like 3 hours longer." Whatever. Totally worth it. Not Potato Soup   Ingredients 1 lb navy beans, w...

We do fondue all of once a year, always on New Year's Eve. We talk a lot about doing fondue other times throughout the year, but it never seems to happen. Probably because fondue tends to be on the pricey side of things, and something about eating a huge pot of cheese when my cholesterol is flirting with being problematic just seems like a really bad call. Still. Fondue is tasty times. And as a send-off to 2013, we found a  really freakin' good fondue recipe , one so good, it'll probably be our tradition from now on to use it on New Year's Eve. Maybe use it on other days of the year, too. Who knows! (Note: This is a large meal for two people, a satisfyingly small meal for four. I think I'll double it for four people next year, even though three of the four of us are trying to lose weight.) Cheesy Send-off New Year's Eve Fondue Ingredients 1 tsp [2 tsp] diced garlic 1 cup [2 cups] white wine (I used Riesling because that's what I had on hand) 1 ...