Sarlacc Pit Rice Bowl

Not so long ago, in a galaxy just parallel to the one far, far away, it turns out that we're the ones who eat the sarlacc, not the other way around ...

I've recently discovered the absolute treasure trove that is Star Wars. Yes, I know I'm about 38 years late to this party (which is, in-and-of itself impressive, since I'm only 32), but in my defense, my introduction to Star Wars was that godawful trilogy from the early 2000s that we don't talk about, okay. I half-watched the orig-trig in its entirety in about an hour before going to see Ep II after half-convincing myself that my unfamiliarity with the franchise was the reason I'd disliked Ep I so strongly (spoiler: that wasn't the reason, the reason was that the movie sucked), and then after I sat through Ep III a few years later, I decided that yeah, Star Wars wasn't my thing and went back to lavishing all of my attention on Star Trek and anime.

But then this Christmas, we went to see Ep VII because a) I can't even cope with the majesty of this trailer and b) I can't deal with how much I love John Boyega, and after the final credits had rolled by, I had ... questions. Lots of questions. And David very patiently answered all of my questions, all the way from the theater to the aquarium, all the way through the aquarium, all the way back to the train, the entire train-ride to the bus-station, the entire bus-ride home, and the walk from the bus-stop to our front door.

He's a very patient man, sometimes.

Not too bright, though: he decided that it was time to pull out his old copy of the orig-trig and watch it with me, since I'd somehow gone from "Star Wars really isn't my jam" to "THERE ARE STORIES ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED" (and then breathing way too hard until he grudgingly recites: "It's true. All of it.").

I rather liked watching the orig-trig. Like, actually watching it. When Han came back at the end of Ep IV with "You're all clear, kid, let's blow this thing and go home," I actually shrieked  with joy. When Ep V ended, I sulked for an hour because it was so depressing. The "I am a Jedi, like my father before me" bit in Ep VI? Made me tear up because Luke you poor boy, you're trying so hard to be what everyone wants you to be and it's tearing you apart. And now I'm feistily reading every single Star Wars EU book I could get my hands on (which, by the way, is 260 books, now accepting bets on how many snowstorms I'll need to get through the lot of them), and whenever I can't sleep or I actually take a lunch break or I'm, y'know, breathing and conscious, I'm on the Wookieepedia, merrily devouring every little tidbit of the Star Wars universe available to me.

David, on the other hand, is wandering the house, grumbling about how "Star Wars isn't that good, don't see what she's hyperventilating about."

(Spoiler: It's Mark Hamill. Those eyes. That fluffy blonde hair. The way he carries Luke's character through the entire trilogy without losing it, despite the massive character arc Luke goes through. It's what's set Hamill's entire acting career apart from other actors, in my opinion. He's underrated, and I appreciate what he and his understated skillset did for this franchise.)

... what were we talking about? Right, food.

So this meal has very little to do with Star Wars, other than the fact that it has forty minutes of prep-time that I've gleefully used to sneak upstairs to the Mollynium Falcon and treadmill while rewatching the orig-trig/reading the Wookieepedia/indulging in EU novels. Its name comes solely from my desire to have a Star Wars name for one of my favorite dishes. Oh, and it's really healthy and inexpensive, and -- where it does have a 40-minute prep-time -- is really low impact.

And it's the kind of one-bowl meal that's just MADE for eating while you snuggle on the sofa and rewatch Ep IV with a good cold beer and your partner sitting beside you in long-suffering silence, wincing only a little every time you shriek over how goshdarn pretty Mark Hamill is. Which he is you guys, oh my stars.

Give it a try, yeah?

Sarlacc Pit Rice Bowl

Ingredients

1 lb frozen brussels sprouts

1 tbsp olive oil

1/4 tsp sea salt (use less if you're using regular table salt)

1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1 cup uncooked rice

2 cups water

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

Bit more olive oil

4 eggs

A bit of water

Soy sauce

*This makes two VERY healthy servings

*You will need a frying pan with a lid that fits over it for this nonsense to work

Instructions

- Preheat your oven to 420*F (I use my toaster oven at 400* - it needs 420* for a regular-size oven)

- In a small mixing bowl, microwave your brussels sprouts for 3-4 minutes, or until they're kinda thawed.

- Drain off any excess water

- Slice them in half along the stem

- Add the olive oil, sea salt, and black pepper

- Toss until combined

- Line a baking dish with a silpat and spread the brussels sprouts across it in a single layer, cut side up

- Put 'em in the oven for 40 minutes.

- Start the rice now if you want the meal to be done as fast as it can be. I usually wait until the brussels sprouts are done, then ask David to make the rice, because then I get 60 minutes of treadmill time instead of 40, greedy bastard that I am.

- Cut your onion in half, then slice each half into strips 1/4 inch wide

- Heat a splash of olive oil in a small frying pan over medium-high heat

- Toss half the cooked onion into the pan and let it sit there a few minutes before tossing it, allowing the onion strips to caramelize and brown (I know that's redundant, shuddup)

- While the onion's cooking, serve half the rice into a cereal bowl

- Layer half the brussels sprouts on top of the rice

- Once the onion's caramelized, turn the heat up to high

- Crack two of the eggs over it, doing your best to leave the yolk intact

- Pour a little water into the pan, then put the lid on. This will capture the steam generated by the water and cook the tops of your eggs

- Let 'em cook a minute or so, until the whites are cooked but the yolk's still runny (unless you prefer a solid yolk, in which case you are wrong, but let the eggs cook a little longer. Weirdo)

- Serve the onion/egg one egg at a time over the brussels sprouts/rice

- Do all that stuff again for the second serving

- Drizzle lightly with soy sauce

It's a bit high in sodium, but man it's delicious. And if you turn your head and squint, you can kind of see the similarity between Sarlacc teeth and the caramelized onion, and since sand and rice are both counted as grain, there's that. Oh, and when I'm done with my bike commute and an hour of treadmilling, I do an impressive Jabba the Hutt impression, wolfing this down, so I guess what I'm saying is I'm one blind Han and a half-naked Leia away from justifying the title to this meal.

*slinks off to read more books*